The Best (and Worst) Flirty Dad Jokes 👋

This really hot chick in my apartment complex told me she wants us to be "friends with benefits". Does anyone know where I can purchase a group health insurance plan?

Son: "What's that Daddy?" (*pointing at Mummy getting out of the shower*)... Daddy: "That's where mummy was hit by an axe, that's her axe wound."Son: "Wow, bloody good shot, got her right in the cunt."

In order to attract women I like to use this quote from Shakespeare’s Hamlet, Act III, Scene IV, line 82. "Hello."

Was at a “Capital One Cafe” and asked the waitress for her phone number. Oh NOW they start guarding personal data.

Does anybody know where a guy can find a person to hang out with, talk to, and enjoy spending time with? I'm just asking for a friend.

How do you compliment a Venezuelan girl? Tell her she looks like a trillion bucks.

A father tells his son that he was adopted. “I want to meet my biological parents,” the son demands. “We are your biological parents,” the father responds. “Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in twenty minutes.”

I was at a restaurant and a cute waitress was flirting with me. She gave her email and told me to hit her up sometime. I tried to email her the next day but the internet was down. I couldn’t connect to the server

Girl, are you the secant of angle Z? Cuz you sure are sec(Z)

When I die, I want to be cremated. It’s my last chance to have a smokin’ hot body.

I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7’s and 8’s.

Women are like Hurricanes They come into your life wild and free and then leave with the PATIO FURNITURE WE BOUGHT TOGETHER SARAH YOU BITCH

Did you know that a very good memory is often a sign of an excellent lover? I read that on February 11, 2017 in the New England Journal of Behavioral studies issue 2016-Q3.

I performed an opening one night for a surgeon, really funny guy They kicked me out of the hospital and called the cops

What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef Stroganoff.