The Best (and Worst) Horrible & Terrible Dad Jokes 👋

I wasn’t close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's okay, he woke up.'

Do you know the difference between a toilet and a pan? If you clicked to see the answer don’t ever ask me to eat at your place.

In a pinch, you can cut the fingers off of rubber gloves and use each of them as a contraceptive. Just a handy tip.

I have a dishwashing liquid that attacks grease. Mostly the uninspired cinematography and John Travolta's singing.

I hate when people blame video games for mass shooting Like what am I gonna do shoot up the school with a copy of doom

My niece did nothing with her life. She just sat in her womb all day.

"Yeah. Those animals across our southern border have ruined their own country and our trying to invade and ruin ours. With their rampent guns and drugs... their government has become a shambles of nut job military and rich drug addicts who don't care about anyone! Eh?"

I knew a man who poisoned his wife with a pair of scissors. He gave her arsenic.

Save money on home security and alarm systems by flying flags of politically taboo groups on the front The police will watch your house for free!

I knew a guy that was selling exploding prayer rugs in the middle east He told me prophets were going through the roof

Everyone debates butts vs. boobs, but nothing beats a pretty face. Except for Chris Brown

I used to be a personal trainer. Then I gave my too weak notice.'

If you donate a kidney, everybody loves you and you’re a total hero. But try donating five kidneys and suddenly everyone is yelling and the police get called.

My wife told me she’ll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I’m not too worried, I think she’s jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf