The Best (and Worst) Jokes About Your Dad 👋

Doctor: "i'm sorry to say you've got lung cancer." Patient: [tearing up] "oh god, no!"Doctor: "Sorry to say it because it's not true, lol April Fools!"Patient: [angry] "What the hell?"Doctor: "Yeah, pranked you, the cancer's in your pancreas."

My dad played basketball for Penn State! My bad, I meant state pen.

The invention of television has eliminated famine in Ireland. Now, when the crops fail in the garden, the population can raise couch potatoes in the living room.

What did dinosaurs prefer to use to pay for their purchases? Obviously tyrannosaurus cheques.

The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.

Most people are shocked when they find out how bad an electrician I am.

I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said never mind.'

I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said never mind.'

People are like a crayons The white ones are useless.

My grandmother died on her 100th birthday The worst bit is we were only half way through giving her the birthday bumps

I once woke up in the middle of an operation. “Doctor, thank goodness you’re awake! The patient is dying!” My fellow surgeons told me.

In my girlfriend's copy of 50 Shades of Grey I found a photo of me with the word "scumbag" written as a caption. I guess I'm not in her good books.

Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door on my face. My parents are the worst.

A father tells his son that he was adopted. 'I want to meet my biological parents,' the son demands. 'We are your biological parents,' the father responds. 'Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in twenty minutes.'

Why did Waldo go to therapy? To find himself.