The Best (and Worst) Lame & Dodgy Dad Jokes 👋

We’re renovating the house, and the first floor is going great, but the second floor is another story.

I have a scary joke about math, but I'm 2² to say it.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's fine, he woke up.

One friend complained to another, “All my husband and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset, I’ve lost 20 pounds.” “If it’s that bad, why don’t you just leave him?” asked the second friend. “I’d like to lose another fifteen pounds first.”

Peter Piker When Peter Piker peeked at Penny,And peeped her perfect pooperHis peepers paused and then his jawPlopped down into a stuporBut he perked up and pressed his luck;Professed he pined to pipe her He self-composed and then proposedWhile poin... read more

My grandmother, who is a chef, says that I must always eat my mistakes. I am a surgeon.

I bought a book that said it could help me harness the power of ADHD. I never finished it.

I was just boasting at work about how I'm currently sleeping with a set of twins... All the lads were very impressed but one asked; "How do you tell them apart?" "Easy", I said, "Michelle has long blonde hair and Dave has a moustache."

I accidentally locked myself out of my bathroom. I'm pissed.

It is only when you see a mosquito land on your balls... that you realize there's always a way to solve problems without using violence.

I’m American, and I’m sick of people saying America is “the stupidest country in the world.” Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.

I took some fiber supplements today Good shit.

Whenever my husband opens his wardrobe he shouts and curses. I think he's a cross dresser.

Women are like parking spaces All the good ones are taken so when no ones looking you put it in a disabled one

I used to hate facial hair...but then it grew on me.'