The Best (and Worst) Lame & Dodgy Dad Jokes 👋

I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said never mind.'

I was sitting on the back porch with my wife when I suddenly blurted out, 'I love you.' 'Is that you or the beer talking?' she asked. I answered, 'It’s me… talking to my beer.'

If sweet dreams are made of cheese… Who am I to dis-a-brie?

I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes. I now have Heinzsight.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!'

Steve Jobs would have made a better president than Donald Trump… But that’s comparing apples to oranges.

How do nonbinary people hurt each other? They slash them. (They/them)

A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "What do you want?" The man says, "Oh, just some fruit punch." The bartender sighs and shakes his head, "If you want punch, you're gonna have to wait in line." The man looks around, but there is no punchline.

A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says: 'sorry we don't serve food here'

Son: Dad, have you seen my sunglasses? Dad: No, have you seen my dad glasses?

At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”

Did you know the first French fries weren't actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.

What's the difference between a man's wallet before and after kids? There are pictures where the money used to be.

I wasn't going to get a brain transplant. But then I changed my mind.

A man is washing his car with his son. The son asks, “Can’t you just use a sponge?”