The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes About Amazon & Tech 👋

Instructions unclear The first time I tried to bake a cake I followed the instructions to the letter, but it was a disaster — I almost burned the house down. The fireman told me that when it said to grease the bottom of the pan they really meant the inside of the pan.

A hurricane walks into a bar The owner doesn’t have insurance so his life is pretty much ruined.

A English teacher has been sentenced to life without parole. The ex-teacher, seemingly unaware, asked the judge if that really was his sentence. The judge questioned why he would ask such a ridiculous question. “Well you see,” The English teacher explained. “‘Life without parole’ is a phrase.”

What did the pirate say on his th birthday? Aye Matey!

Why do squirrels swim on their backs? To keep their nuts dry.

I was talking to my parents over dinner, my Mom said she was getting tired of the Bernie Sanders memes. I looked over to her and said "Don't worry, this trend will Bern out soon."

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know...'

What's a lawyer's favorite drink? Subpoena colada.

Siri,' I asked my phone, 'why am I so bad with women?' She responded, 'I’m Bixby, you moron.'

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word.

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.

Where do crayons go on vacation? Color-ado.

How do you get a mouse to smile? Say “cheese.”

What did the caretaker say when they jumped out of the store cupboard? “Supplies!”

Help, how do I get the frost off my windshield? I used my discount card but could only get 20% off.