The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes About Dads 👋

My buddy Brian had a kid a few years ago. He comes to me this summer and he goes... "Man, my son just flunked the third grade. I don't know how to tell him he will be held back a year."I was like, "I guess you better tell him slowly so that he will get it."

You know what they say about the French royal family? It was a good idea on paper but they lost their heads in the execution.

A snail started racing NASCAR and asked the racing board if he could use an S on his car instead of a number. "Why would you want to do that?" one of the board members asked. "So that when I speed around the track, the onlookers will shout, 'What the hell was in that acid, snails can't drive cars!"

I met a man in the park with a wooden leg named Smith. I asked him what his other leg was called.

What do you call an Irish dinosaur? Pter O'dactyl

What did the accountant say while auditing a document? This is taxing.

What country's capital is growing the fastest? Ireland. Every day it's Dublin.

We all know about Murphy's Law: anything that can go wrong will go wrong. But have you heard of Cole's Law? It's thinly sliced cabbage.

I could tell a joke about pizza, but it's a little cheesy.

Ever since we started quarantining, I've only been telling inside jokes.

We're renovating the house, and the first floor is going great, but the second floor is another story.

Last night my wife and I watched two DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the TV.

Why do we tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast.

My wife told me to pick up 8 cans of soda on my way home from work…

She looked up and whispered, “They’re right behind you'.