The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

My wife says we should split up because I keep pretending I'm a detective I said good idea, we can cover more ground that way

How are pooping at someone else's house, and a first date the same? You really hope both *go down*.

I remember when I first started using drugs. I was 18 years old. It all started with a spliff, the odd bong or two. Before I knew it, I'd started using amphetamines like speed and for a stronger buzz, I moved on to ecstasy. It wasn't long after, that I started on the hard stuff, like cocaine and heroin.I was a complete mess.I was broke and my body was ruined.But fuck me, what a night.

Why didn't the saxophone get fired from his teaching job after multiple accusations of sexual assault? he was a tenure sax

When two vegans get in an argument, is it still called a beef?'

Why should you never mention the number 288? It’s two gross.

Where do boats go when they're sick? To the dock.

If two vegetarians get in an argument, is it still called beef?

In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed on him. To be fair, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him.

I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today. It was clogged.

What happens to Jason Momoa once he dies? He becomes Jason Nomoa.

I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.

I used to be a personal trainer. Then I gave my too weak notice.'

I was in a job interview the other day and they asked if I could perform under pressure. I said no, but I could perform Bohemian Rhapsody.

How many narcissists does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. The narcissist holds the light bulb while the rest of the world revolves around him.