The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

My wife gave birth three times and still fits in her prom dress from high school. I gave birth zero times and I don’t fit in my pants from March.

I tried to get a smart car the other day but they sold out too fast. Why? I guess I'm just a bit slow.

I wasn’t close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.

Why didn’t the sun go to college? It already had a million degrees.

Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.

I have a great joke about nepotism. But I’ll only tell it to my kids.

My wife wanted to spice up our sex life, so she asked if we could play doctor tonight. It seemed like a weird idea, but I’m eager to please.

My uncle used to circumcise elephants. The pay was terrible, but... The tips were massive.

Why does the US military use digital camo? They turned down the graphics for better performance

A farmer succeeds in growing a field of vibrators.. He now has a problem with squatters

You know what disease is really hard to beat? Erectile dysfunction. (This better be OC, I just thought of it as my pharmacist denied my viagra prescription)

So this French dude was working in a department store in France and a Karen comes up and starts laying it on him, asking for his manager. Manager shows up, old stoner dude that's not having it. Karen starts whining and says "But you have to do what I say! The customer is king!" The manager looks at her in the eyes and says, "Ma'am, this is France. We decapitate kings."

I was addicted to hokey pokey…but I turned myself around.

We’re renovating the house, and the first floor is going great, but the second floor is another story.

Paid multi-story car parking... Wrong on so many levels...