The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

One secret policeman asks another, “What do you think of the regime?” ... Nervously, the second policeman replies, “The same as you, comrade.” At that point the first one pulls out handcuffs and says, “In that case, it is my duty to arrest you.”

My friend came back from the bathroom with wet hands. I noticed this. I said, “Wow it looks like you’ve washed your hands.” They say, “No, I just pissed on them so I can knock out two birds with one stone.”

Why did the drum player commit suicide after being charged with homicide? He couldn't handle the repercussions.

My son is a man trapped in a woman’s body He'll be born in March

My wife is just like her toothbrush. On my ass every day for no good reason.

My son lost his first milk tooth today.. I hope that would teach him never to touch my PlayStation again ..

What do you get when you throw a grenade into a French Bathroom? linoleon Blownaparte.

How many viola players does it take to change a lightbulb? None - they can't reach that high

Google Plus was the gym of social networking We all joined but no one ever used it

Why do teenage girls travel in odd numbered groups? Because they can’t even.

Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water? He had a very esteemed colleague.

I told a customer that he reminded me of my father. He says to me "Oh wow, he must be quite a nice guy!"I told him "No, he's an asshole."

I'll say this about Drake Most rappers date nines and tens, but he goes to Eleven

Why could Edward not leave his driveway and get back to his home country? He was Snowden.

In honor of the spooky season, what do you call a compressed pumpkin? A squash :3