The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

What is more difficult than getting an assault rifle in the U.S.? Getting a water bottle in a Georgia voting line

My wife and I are a perfect match. For instance, I have a 9 inch penis, and she doesn't know which end of a ruler to hold up.

Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!” He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”

Why did the Germans bail the Greeks out? Because they took Pita on them

Someone once told me that taking money out of your savings account is stealing from your future self. Well luckily for me my future self won't be able to afford a lawyer to press charges against me.

My homeboy got rear-ended on a motorcycle wearing a bright green shirt, with shiny red hair: It kind of makes sense.... It was hard to miss him

Spin the Bottle When I was a kid, all of us kids played 'Spin the bottle'. A girl would spin the bottle. If it pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a penny.By the time I was 16, I owned my own house...

What is common between Reddit and China? They both don't like opinions.

What did one cannibal say to the other while they were eating a clown? Does this taste funny to you?

I used to be a personal trainer. Then I gave my too weak notice.'

What’s your name, son?' The principal asked his student. The kid replied, 'D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.' 'Do you have a stutter?' the principal asked. The student answered, 'No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.'

Did you hear Bruce Springsteen changed the lyrics to one of his songs? What’s he going to change next—his hair? His clothes? His face?

If two vegetarians get in an argument, is it still called beef?

What's the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream.'

What do you call a hippie’s wife? Mississippi.