The Best (and Worst) Horrible & Terrible Dad Jokes 👋

I have a joke about trickle down economics. But 99% of you will never get it.

My landlord told me we need to talk about the heating bill. 'Sure,' I said. 'My door is always open.'

What do you call an angry carrot? A steamed veggie.

To the person who stole my place in the queue. I’m after you now.

How do you catch an elephant? First, you’ll need to dig a hole deep enough for an elephant. Proceed to complete surround the hole with green peas and fill the bottom of the hole with ashes.*Once the elephant bends down to take a pee, kick it in the ash hole.*

I went to the mall and you know those people that set up their little shops? Well, there is a dwarf in a little hut, and he tells fortunes. Come to find out he is a fugitive and wanted for some crimes. I guess that makes him a small medium at large...

I said to the woman in front of me on the bus... “Excuse me ma’am, but you have some semen on your sweater.”“Oh,” she replied, “it’s probably just yogurt.”“I kinda doubt that,” I said, “I’m pretty sure I don’t ejaculate yogurt.”

What state has the largest amount of self made prostitutes? Idaho

Not to brag but I made six figures last year. I was also named worst employee at the toy factory.

I remember as a kid, my dad got fired from his job as a road worker for theft. I refused to believe he could do such a thing, but when I got home, the signs were all there.

As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.

Did you heard about the giant that threw up? It's all over town!

“Just say NO to drugs!” Well, if I’m talking to drugs, I probably already said yes.

A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand.

“Just say NO to drugs!” Well, if I’m talking to drugs, I probably already said yes.