The Best (and Worst) Horrible & Terrible Dad Jokes 👋

What job offers are there for someone without a brain? The head of state.

My brother was pissed at me when he found out I mated his wife He bet $100 she would beat me in a game of chess.

How did the dentist become a brain surgeon? His drill slipped.

I just got my annual prostate exam. My doctor has me drop my pants and place both my hands on the table. He gets behind me and does his inspection.The odd thing is though, both of his hands are always on the table too.

Do you know how many people are dead at a cemetery? All of them.

"Grandma, have you seen my LSD?" Grandma replies "Fuck the LSD, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!"

I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today. It was clogged.

Don't worry if your parachute won't open. You'll have the rest of your life to fix it.

My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me. She obviously has COVID, my wife said. Why? I asked. Because she has no taste.

My wife told me she’ll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I’m not too worried, I think she’s jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf

My wife wanted to spice up our sex life, so she asked if we could play doctor tonight. It seemed like a weird idea, but I’m eager to please.

The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.

What do you call someone who can’t stick to a diet? A desserter.

Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

“Roses are red, violets are red, if you aren’t red, you get shot in the head.” \-Stalin 1946