The Best (and Worst) Horrible & Terrible Dad Jokes 👋

I’m thinking about removing my spine. I feel like it’s only holding me back.

My local library refuses to stock how-to books about suicide. They used to, but the decent ones were never returned.

If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery…I’ll kill him with my bear hands.

Madam, we brought your husband. He is very drunk,every time we lifted him he fell again. Wtf, where is his wheelchair?!

Why does China always drive on the left they don’t have rights

Why did the dyslexic kid push his brother out of the window? He wanted to see Tim fly.

Thinking of having my ashes stored in a glass urn. Remains to be seen.

I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.

So much has changed, since my girlfriend told me we were having a girl For instance ;My name Address and phone number.

Nsfw A surprise for dinner My wife asked what I'd like to have for dinner when I got home from work. I told her to surprise me. She said "I'm sleeping with your sister."

What's easier to get, aids or lung cancer? Depends what you smoke.(Not native speaker, sorry if it doesn't make sense)

I called the suicide hotline in Iraq. I told the operator that lately I've been having suicidal thoughts. Operator: "Great! Can you drive a truck?"

Apparently Stormy Daniels was misquoted, and what she actually said was that Trump's junk looked like A Little Potato. You know... A little *dick-tater*

This pasta has AoT level writing, by the time you get to the last line everything you previously read will get whole new meaning. Enjoy .>!gf is prego!<>!we like to get kinky anyways!<>!one night things get particularly saucy!<>!i'm sticking my noodle in her when I notice weird fucking chunks coming out, so I turn on the lights!<>!wtf it's red everywhere and she's ob... read more

6ix9ine would be a great crime scene investigator I’ve heard he’s great at identifying blood