The Best (and Worst) Horrible & Terrible Dad Jokes 👋

A blonde and a brunette are talking about what to do when their children misbehave during Christmas The brunette says : "I wrap empty cardboard boxes and when a child acts up I toss one into the fireplace." And then the blonde says : "What do you do when you run out of children?"

When you treat a burn with topical cream but then you wash your hands: “Man, now I have to do that Aloe Vera again”

We should send all of Earth's politicians to colonize Mars. All that hot air would make it habitible quickly!

A Horse Walks into a Bar A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey fellow, why the long face?”The horse, incapable of understanding the English language, shits all over the floor and leaves.

An alligator and crocodile both walk into a bar. Sitting next to each other, they both order the same drink. The alligator spits out his drink claiming it to be disgusting. The crocodile looks at him claiming it isn't that bad. The alligator looks at the crocodile and simply says one thing: "Well that's a croc."

Pig A man walks up to his wife with a duck under his arm and says"This is the pig I've been fucking"Wife says "that's not a pig, that's a duck"Husband says "I wasn't talking to you"

A salesman knocks on a door... A teenage boy answers the door wearing heels, panties, a bra and has makeup on. The salesman says, "um, are your parents home?The kid says," What the fuck do you think? "

Let's play strip poker. You can strip, and I'll poke you.

A burglar broke into my house and stole the most important things in my life. Whoever you are please bring back my hand lotion and the box of napkins.

I have 6 eyes, 3 ears, 2 mouths, but one tooth. What am I? Ugly.

I've been sucking up to my boss at work to get a raise, so I told her she looked nice and I liked her perfume. She just started screaming and yelling "how'd you get in my house!?!". Now I'm in a cop car. Think I'll still get it?

Wife: oh, I better not get any more food. Husband: No, fill up your plate baby. Remember, you're eating for two now. Dinner guests: ooh? Expecting?Husband: **looks at them puzzled as his wife starts regurgitating food down his throat**

It was a bad idea doing tacos the night before the big meeting. Everyone looked shocked when I accidentally farted loudly. I looked back at them, just as shocked. After a moment, I broke the awkward silence, and said,"Did you hear that asshole talking shit behind my back?"

Did you heard about the giant that threw up? It's all over town!

It’s because they can’t see sh!t at night.