The Best (and Worst) Horrible & Terrible Dad Jokes 👋

What's the difference between Hitler's girlfriend and a female farmer? One bails her hay and one hails her bae.

What happens if a redneck bakes himself into a loaf? He's inbread.

When a physician was asked if his new diet of pizza and crepes for COVID-19 patients was working He said, "I don't know, but that's the only food we can get under the door."

Breaking News: Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan and North Korea to send a joint expeditionary force... ...to Washington D.C. in order to bring peace, democracy and the rule of law to the troubled nation of United States of America.

I never understood couples bragging about trying for kids. You say "yea we have been trying for a child for months now"I hear "Yea I've been doing HUGE Cum dumps in her pussy for Months. No luck yet"

I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7’s and 8’s.

My wife wanted to spice up our sex life, so she asked if we could play doctor tonight. It seemed like a weird idea, but I’m eager to please.

“Whoever stole my depression medication — I hope you’re happy now.”

My grief counselor died the other day. He was so good at his job, I don’t even care.

“Whoever stole my depression medication — I hope you’re happy now.”

A man on the street was trying to sell me a "slightly used" television... "How can a television be slightly used?" I inquired"The old lady that owned it, she was blind in one eye." he said

Son: "What's that Daddy?" (*pointing at Mummy getting out of the shower*)... Daddy: "That's where mummy was hit by an axe, that's her axe wound."Son: "Wow, bloody good shot, got her right in the cunt."

That car looks nice but the muffler seems exhausted.'

Thinking of having my ashes stored in a glass urn. Remains to be seen.

I’m thinking about removing my spine. I feel like it’s only holding me back.