The Best (and Worst) Horrible & Terrible Dad Jokes 👋

I pushed a fan over It blew up

Why do retail workers call rude and snotty customers “Karen”? Because they would lose their job if they called them a “Cunt”.

Doctor walks into a bank to make a deposit.... Teller says, “Can you sign the deposit slip please?”.Doctor reaches into his pocket and brings out a rectal thermometer. He looks at it and then shakes his head. “Aw crap” he says, “some asshole’s got my pen!”

I finally got out of an abusive relationship I'm glad, my hands were starting to hurt! ^(Source: SrGrafo stream musings)

If women drink a glass of red wine, it increases the chance of a stroke. If she drinks the whole bottle, she might even give it a little suck.

Did you hear about the tragic crash of the small plane into the cemetery? So far they've recovered 324 bodies.

I locked myself out of my car next to an abortion clinic... It was really awkward asking them for a hanger

What does it mean when a man is in your bed, gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn't hold down the pillow long enough.

How does a snail commit suicide? He looks into the socket.

Where do terrorists go when they die? Everywhere.

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast. '

To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide but you can't run.

A ship carrying red paint and a ship carrying blue paint collide in the middle of the ocean. Both crews were marooned.

My wife and I let astrology get between us. It Taurus apart.

“I got fired from my job as a taxi driver. It turns out nobody thought I was fare.”