The Best (and Worst) Lame & Dodgy Dad Jokes 👋

Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door on my face. My parents are the worst.

What did one wall say to the other? I’ll meet you at the corner.

“I got fired from my job as a taxi driver. It turns out nobody thought I was fare.”

Why are butter jokes so hard to make? Because there is no margarine for error.

To the person who stole my bed: I won't rest until I find you.

After dinner my wife asked if I could clear the table. I needed a running start, but I made it.

My wife left me because of my obsession with pasta. I'm feeling cannelloni right now.

My daughter just shrieked at me, “Daaaaaad, you haven’t listened to a word I’ve said, have you?” What an odd way to begin a conversation.

A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, “I’m sorry, but you only have ten left.” The patient asks him, “Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?” The doctor calmly looks at him and says, “Nine.”

I asked the doctor if I could sew up my own wound. He said "suture self"

What pair of shoes do kidnappers love the most? White Vans

When can you add your bottle to Wikipedia? When you fill it from a reliable source.

I went to the butchers and asked if he had a lambs head No he replied, it's just how I come my hair.

My dad doesnt trust anyone, in fact he has a saying about it But he wouldnt tell meCredits: Anthony Jeselnik

(OC) Why don't giraffes have stripes? Because God took one look at them and said, "You know, that thing's so tall, it'll be easy to spot."