The Best (and Worst) Lame & Dodgy Dad Jokes 👋

How many physicians do you need to interrupt the space time continuum? It takes a paradox.

If size doesn't matter... Then why is my wife's dildo not 3 inches long and crooked?

I always turn my room temperature just below 70 degrees before I go to sleep. Why? Because it doesn't get hotter than 69 in my bed.

So, after all your time on the internet, have you learned how to avoid clickbait? Doesn't seem like it

Without our watches, our argument about the time of day could have gone on forever But since we were tired from a long day of spelunking, we decided to call it a night.

Cop: You're going to prison for forgery Suspect: *hands over a 37 dollar bill*Suspect: What was it you were saying?

I remember when I first started using drugs. I was 18 years old. It all started with a spliff, the odd bong or two. Before I knew it, I'd started using amphetamines like speed and for a stronger buzz, I moved on to ecstasy. It wasn't long after, that I started on the hard stuff, like cocaine and heroin.I was a complete mess.I was broke and my body was ruined.But fuck me, what a night.

I saw a naked old lady I said "You look foxy."She said "Do you really think so?"I said "Yes, their titties are on their stomachs too!"

I took a pole recently and turns out that 100% of people dont like it.. When their tent falls down...

My boss calls me "The computer" Not because of my calculation skills but because I go to sleep when left unattended for 15 minutes.

At the pearly gates Peter: It says here that you don't believe in life after deathAtheist: Didn't*

So I bought a burglar alarm. Now my burglar has no excuse to oversleep.

Have you heard the joke about the bed? It hasn't been made up yet.

What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public? A private tutor.

In my free time, I like to help blind people. Verb, not adjective.