The Best (and Worst) Lame & Dodgy Dad Jokes 👋

I told my son I was named after Albert Einstein "But your name is Brian", he said."Yeah, I know - and I was named *after* Albert Einstein", you little prick.

My wife keeps asking why I drink a pink liquid whenever my stomach is upset. Frankly, it's not her bismuth.

My boss calls me "The computer" Not because of my calculation skills but because I go to sleep when left unattended for 15 minutes.

I ate a kid's meal at the McDonald's today. The parents called the manager.

Has anyone heard about the cemetery for alcoholics? It's haunted by spirits.

What did mr and mrs Cow name their calf who they sent away to be slaughtered? Little miss Steak.

I have a little joke for the ladies Unfortunately, it's in my underpants

My mother in law began to address the elephant in the room I asked her why she was talking to herself.

How much should you spend on a bottle of wine ? I don't know...maybe 15 minutes!!

Why won't Americans switch to a dollar coin? They're afraid of change.

What disease goes best with the coronavirus? Lyme disease

An employee at an American weapons manufacturer spots a bear in a conference room... "Is this a set-up for a Second Amendment joke?"Another employee : "What? No. That's our new yoga instructor."

Meghan may face some akward times with the Royal Family at the funeral of Prince Philip But luckily, black is generally accepted at funerals.

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine: we just get better with age. The next day she locked me in the cellar.

Why don’t pirates take a bath before they walk the plank? They just wash up on shore.