The Best (and Worst) Lame & Dodgy Dad Jokes 👋

What’s green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.

I'd rather die than having Alzeheimer's disease. I'd rather die than having Alzheimer's disease.

I just came back from the eye doctor, he says I have kindergarden disease. I asked her what that meant, she said that means I have really small pupils.

I was once taught that nothing rhymes with silver... But to this day, I still don’t think they sound the same.

What's the difference between select and choose? Select means to pick something, choose are what Puero Ricans wear on their feet.

What has 4 letters, sometimes 9 letters, but never has 5 letters. Just a hint: I didn't ask a question.

My teacher said “we have the ability to clone we just don’t know what kind of rights they should have.” I simply replied “copyright”

I was gonna tell you a joke about UDP... ...but you might not get it.

I was applying for Australian citizenship, and the guy asks me "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" "Does stealing a joke count?" I asked.

There's shop in the mall selling ice picks, knives, leather gloves, shovels, brass knuckles, ropes, and women's stockings It was called "Accessories To The Crime"

I prefer to think of myself as a "Contemporary Anthropological Interactive Observer" because it has just the right amount of flair. Besides, "stalker" is such an ugly word.

Why should you buy socks with holes in them? It's the only way to get your feet in.

It’s because they can’t see sh!t at night.

What do you call an obese psychic? A four-chin teller.

I once got fired from a canned juice company. Apparently I couldn't concentrate.'