The Best (and Worst) Lame & Dodgy Dad Jokes 👋

I got fired from my job at the marble mine today I kept taking it for granite

The police recently arrested a man selling "secret formula" tablets he claimed gave eternal youth. When going through their files they noticed it was the fifth time he was caught for committing this same criminal medical fraud.He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856, 1928 and 1983..

I own a Stradivarius and a Rembrandt Unfortunately, Stradivari was a horrible painter, and Rembrandt knew nothing about making violins.

My wife was so excited that she pulled something out of her closet from 10 years ago that still fits.. "Can you believe it? After 10 years and it still fits!""Babe, it's a fucking scarf!"

I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.

Why do dads feel the need to tell such bad jokes? They just want to help you become a groan up.

In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed on him. To be fair, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him.

I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.

I got hit in the head with a can of Diet Coke today. Don’t worry, I’m not hurt. It was a soft drink.

I used to hate facial hair…but then it grew on me.

She said I won’t be able to make it.

I like to spend my weekends playing chess with elderly men in the park. But it’s becoming more difficult. You try finding exactly32 old guys.

That car looks nice but the muffler seems exhausted.'

Why did Billy get fired from the banana factory? He kept throwing away the bent ones.'

I was researching about Atheism. Turns out it’s a non-prophet organization.