The Best (and Worst) Really Bad & Awful Dad Jokes 👋

A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand.

Have you heard of the new sport called Quiet Tennis”? It’s like normal tennis but without the racket.

My ex and I had a very amicable divorce. I know this because when I posted on Facebook, “I’m getting a divorce,” she was the first one to like it.

How do you catch an elephant? First, you’ll need to dig a hole deep enough for an elephant. Proceed to complete surround the hole with green peas and fill the bottom of the hole with ashes.*Once the elephant bends down to take a pee, kick it in the ash hole.*

I went to the mall and you know those people that set up their little shops? Well, there is a dwarf in a little hut, and he tells fortunes. Come to find out he is a fugitive and wanted for some crimes. I guess that makes him a small medium at large...

I said to the woman in front of me on the bus... “Excuse me ma’am, but you have some semen on your sweater.”“Oh,” she replied, “it’s probably just yogurt.”“I kinda doubt that,” I said, “I’m pretty sure I don’t ejaculate yogurt.”

What state has the largest amount of self made prostitutes? Idaho

Not to brag but I made six figures last year. I was also named worst employee at the toy factory.

How many telemarketers does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but he has to do it during dinner.

I remember as a kid, my dad got fired from his job as a road worker for theft. I refused to believe he could do such a thing, but when I got home, the signs were all there.

As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.

Why was the traffic light late to work? It took too long to change.

A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand.

The price of savoring Want to know why cannibals have to be rich?Their dinners cost an arm and a leg

[NSFW] Why did the gardeners wife file for a divorce? Because he didn't want to de-flower her