The Best (and Worst) Horrible & Terrible Dad Jokes 👋

My wife and I are a perfect match. For instance, I have a 9 inch penis, and she doesn't know which end of a ruler to hold up.

A blonde goes to the doctor and says "I keep finding these Colombian postage stamps in my vagina" The doctor takes a look and says "Ma'am, those aren't postage stamps, those are stickers from bannanas"

I used to be a personal trainer. Then I gave my too weak notice.'

My grief counselor died the other day. He was so good at his job, I don’t even care.

Why do astronauts use linux? because you can’t open windows in space.

A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, 'I’m sorry, but you only have ten left.' The patient asks him, 'Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?' The doctor calmly looks at him and says, 'Nine.'

What does an evil hen lay? Deviled eggs.

I hope someone comes across this distress signal Damn it, I used the wrong flare

A man goes to the doctor for a physical. He tells the doctor not to be alarmed, but he has 5 penises. The doctor says, " 5 penises!? How do your pants fit?"The man replies, " like a glove."

Women should not have children after 36—really, 36 children is enough.

Where do terrorists go when they die? Everywhere.

I gave up my seat to a blind person on the bus. Thats how I lost my job as a bus driver.

Shouldn’t the “roof ' of your mouth actually be called the ceiling?

My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right!'

What did the Japanese cannibal eat for dinner? Raw men