The Best (and Worst) Lame & Dodgy Dad Jokes 👋

What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little whine.

I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”

How do birds learn to fly? They wing it.

A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "What do you want?" The man says, "Oh, just some fruit punch." The bartender sighs and shakes his head, "If you want punch, you're gonna have to wait in line." The man looks around, but there is no punchline.

I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that's just nuts.

My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. “That's my stepladder,” he said. "I never knew my real ladder.”

Within minutes the detectives knew what the murder weapon was. It was a brief case.

Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket? “Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.”

I walked into a pet shop. I said, "I want to return this bird cage. My girlfriend's parrot is dead. Choked to death."He said, "Have you got the receipt?"I said, "No."He said, "Why not? We need proof that you paid for it."I said, "The parrot ate it."

I think my parents might be meth heads. The tooth fairy keeps taking my money and leaving behind teeth.

Many people say a diploma is just a piece of paper. I as an educated person beg to differ It's a piece of cardboard.

The amount of bad Covid-19 jokes being circulated is starting to reach alarming numbers... Some scientists suspect that it might be a pundemic.

What do you call an astronomer with the stomach flu? A gastrophysicist

Little known fact, the mods of /r/Jokes are all actually Peruvian owls… I think they're Inca hoots…

What do horses say when their food gets stolen? Hay come back!