The Best (and Worst) Lame & Dodgy Dad Jokes 👋

How do you spell “candy” with just two letters? C and Y.

A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "What do you want?" The man says, "Oh, just some fruit punch." The bartender sighs and shakes his head, "If you want punch, you're gonna have to wait in line." The man looks around, but there is no punchline.

I threw a boomerang 5 years ago Today, I live in constant fear.\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-Wait a minute, I can relax. It was made in china! Its not coming back!

A man walks into a bar and faceplants into a stool. Now he's completely shitfaced.

I used to live paycheck to paycheck But now I can happily say that after years of hard work and perseverance; I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.

What's the difference between a steamed fish and a stupid donkey? One's a dum bass, the other's a dumb ass.

A new discovery about women in prison: They don’t get their periods until the end of their sentences.

I got arrested for illegal fishing, even though there weren't any 'no fishing' signs. Apparently if it's an aquarium in a hotel lobby, you don't need a sign.

My friends and I had a competition to see what the most difficult to put on accessory was. The end result was a tie.

My wife always talks like an empty tip jar Such non cents

I'm a fruit. If you take away my first letter, I'm a body part. If you take away my first and last letter, I suck. What am I? pear

My dad carries around a piece of paper where he keeps a list of all his mistakes. It is my birth certificate.

A tree says to another tree, her boyfriend, "I think we should break up" The other tree: "why wood you do this"

I was stood behind a customer at an ATM and he turned around and said "could you check my balance?"-so I pushed him. His balance wasn't that great.

I was stood behind a customer at an ATM and he turned around and said "could you check my balance?"-so I pushed him. His balance wasn't that great.