The Best (and Worst) Lame & Dodgy Dad Jokes 👋

What kind of drugs do criminals smuggle through airport security? Ass crack

I met my wife while we working at the same museum I met my wife while we were working at the same museum. Our first date was in the geology section, the second in paleontology, and the rest was history.

My family has been specializing in ventilator sales for over 40 years. I don't know why we've been getting so many creeps lately at our Only Fans store.

Customer service at restaurants is HORRIBLE. Every time I use one of their restrooms, I see "Employees must wash hands" on the mirror. So I wait for HOURS, but not ONCE has an employee EVER showed up to wash them for me.

I have the ability to leave a building 5m before the fire alarm starts I call it premature evacuation.

You know what disease is really hard to beat? Erectile dysfunction. (This better be OC, I just thought of it as my pharmacist denied my viagra prescription)

I bought a pair of Meatloaf underpants [NSFW] The front says "I would do anything for love", and the back says "but I won't do that".

People be like I am fat because my mother cooks good food... ...I am like I am single because I have strong hands.

Policeman stops a guy running with scissors \- "Hey, where are you running with those scissors?" asks policeman.\- "To hospital. They just called and told me my mother in-law life is hanging by a thread"

I was excited to hear Apple might start selling its own cars until I learned they wouldn't support windows.

How do lawyers say goodbye? We'll be suing ya!'

I had a neck brace fitted years ago and I've never looked back since.'

I once got fired from a canned juice company. Apparently I couldn't concentrate.'

I don't trust those trees. They seem kind of shady.'

What’s your name, son?' The principal asked his student. The kid replied, 'D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.' 'Do you have a stutter?' the principal asked. The student answered, 'No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.'