The Best (and Worst) Flirty Dad Jokes 👋

I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7’s and 8’s.

Women should not have children after 36—really, 36 children is enough.

What’s the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire? One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.

My wife said last night "You treat our marriage like it's some sort of game" Which unfortunately cost her 12 points and a bonus chance

A shark, crocodile, and a giant spider walk into a bar There’s no punchline, it’s just a normal day in Australia

When I heard Justin Bieber has Lyme disease, I almost felt sorry for the annoying, creepy little parasite. Can't say the same about Bieber though.

Why didn't the vampire attack Taylor Swift? She had bad blood.

My Uncle used to say, to get what you want, you need to be frank with people. If that doesn't work, don't be afraid to get curt with them. If that's still not working, try showing them your dick. Show them your impression of Dick Nixon, Everybody loves a good impression

Sex therapists claim that the most effective way to arouse a man, is to lick his ears for 10 minutes. Personally, I think it's nuts.

My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me. "She obviously has COVID," my wife said. "Why?" I asked. "Because she has no taste."

Am I the only man my wife has ever dated? Unfortunately yes, she said the others were all nines or tens!

My wife asked why I didn’t buy her flowers. To be fair, I didn’t know she sold flowers.

For every Dollar a man makes a woman makes 70 cents. That's really unfair. That only leaves the man with 30c.

"Mum, how do you spell clitoris?" "I don’t know darling, ask your dad, it was on the tip of his tongue this morning"

Why did the horny rebellion only last two minutes? Because everyone came