The Best (and Worst) Flirty Dad Jokes 👋

Vegans don't beat their meat They jerk their vegetable.

A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms He replies, "Yes we do.Would you like to buy some?"She responds, "No sir, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?"

If a woman drinks two glasses of wine a day, it increases the chances of a stroke by 50% Let her finish the bottle and she'll probably suck it as well.

If the Green Lantern is weak to the color yellow, if you pissed on him, would he become weak? Either way, he'd be pissed

Fifty Shades got $47 Million at the box office... There seems to be a lot of women who don't get offended by a billionaire grabbing a girl by the pussy.

Does anybody know where a guy can find a person to hang out with, talk to, and enjoy spending time with? I'm just asking for a friend.

My wife wanted to spice up our sex life, so she asked if we could play doctor tonight. It seemed like a weird idea, but I’m eager to please.

What's a tornado's favorite game? Twister!

The guy from the damn Daniel vine was arrested for kidnapping children. You could say that he was back at it again with the white vans.

Thai Girl Last summer, I was sitting next to this hot Thai girl on the bus and all I could think to myself was, “Don’t get an erection, don’t get an erection”… But she did.

I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7’s and 8’s.

Sex Position #189 "The John Wilkes Booth" (NSFW) You blow a load on the back of someone's head in a movie theater and try to escape before you get caught.

Does a snowman have a heart? Nope, just big balls

What to use if you want to count the amount of meth grams in your body? Methmatics

Why didn't the vampire attack Taylor Swift? She had bad blood.