The Best (and Worst) Flirty Dad Jokes 👋

Girl, are you the secant of angle Z? Cuz you sure are sec(Z)

My wife and I are a perfect match. For instance, I have a 9 inch penis, and she doesn't know which end of a ruler to hold up.

Marriage involves three rings: The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffer-ring.

I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth today. Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent.

A joke I made up 20 min ago Me: “I’m going to tie a bell on the tip of my penis!”Wife: “WTF!?! Why?!”Me: “I know it’ll be kind of annoying at first, but trust me, it’ll become a-dick-ting!”

What’s the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire? One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.

It’s strange disliking Chinese food while having an Asian Fetish I’d like to eat out Chinese but I hate eating out Chinese

Why do women date witty writers? NSFW Because they enjoy cunning linguists.

My friend was upset that he was passed over for promotion at work by an attractive older colleague. I said, “Don’t cry over skilled milf.”

I’m going to a charity event for female amputees this weekend That place is gonna be *crawling* with chicks

I have a masturbation addiction But I'm beating it

Hotel Porn I'm a modest man. I checked into my hotel recently and told the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." She replied, "No, it's regular-people porn, you sick bastard!”

She sexily unbuttons her shirt, removes her bra, pushes him down and placed his hand on her bare chest. "$100. Just $100 and I'll do anything you want."His eyes glow bright: "Anything?""Anything." She whispers into his ears.Excited, he springs up, pulls out his wallet, gives her 5 brand new $20 bills and says: "Here is $100! Now give me $500!"

Today I went for a walk with a beautiful woman Then she noticed me, so we went for a run

Why does Santa spend 364 days a year forming strong masculine relationships? Bros before hos