The Best (and Worst) Flirty Dad Jokes 👋

Today I went for a walk with a beautiful woman Then she noticed me, so we went for a run

My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me. 'She obviously has COVID,' my wife said. 'Why?' I asked. 'Because she has no taste.'

What do you call an STD that loves makeup? Glamydia

My uncle prayed to God to solve all his family's problems God answered his prayers.My uncle's funeral is next week.

The day before our family holiday my little brother locked himself in his bedroom. I was worried, so I asked him what he was doing.He said, "I'm packing.""Fuck off," I replied. "It's only about four inches."

She: "Wait for me darling, I just do my makeup...." He: "Oh, you don't need makeup."She: "How nice, you are so sweet."He: "You need plastic surgery."

If you care so much about my mental health... ...then gimme some brain

If women are diesel engines Then men are starter motors. Good for about 30 seconds of action before they need a 15 minute break.

Does anybody know where a guy can find a person to hang out with, talk to, and enjoy spending time with? I'm just asking for a friend.

What's a lawyer's favorite drink? Subpoena colada.

I just applied for a job down at the diner. I told them I really bring a lot to the table.

My wife and I let astrology get between us. It Taurus apart.

A son tells his father, “I have an imaginary girlfriend.” The father sighs and says, “You know, you could do better.” “Thanks Dad,” the son says. “That means a lot.” The father shakes his head and goes, “I was talking to your girlfriend.”

As my wife-to-be strolled to meet me at the aisle, looking beautiful in her wedding dress, I could tell something was wrong... She told me she was going to kill me... It was a thinly veiled threat.

Why is it so cheap to throw a party at a haunted house? Because the ghosts bring all the boos.